HC Rights NOW!

"Also this security guard needs to be stopped from doing this to anyone else just because they are heavy chested"

Terrification

I just picked up line one and to my surprise the phone is ringing as if I had called out. A bit dumbfounded I said nothing and waited to see what happened. Suddenly two voices start conversing in very heavy African American speech patterns. I couldn't really make out much of the conversation except for that one guy was complaining to the other about being on hold, "the muth-ah-fuckuzs had me on hold fo 15 minutes." Back and forth back and forth, unintelligible but what I construed to be a hostile tone. I just listened.

I listened because as you may have read, I served on a jury earlier this summer, and in my capacity as a juror I also served as the foreman and was responsible for declaring a man guilty of cocaine trafficking. During the case, we listened to a lot of wiretaps between drug dealers that I have to say sounded a lot like the interchange happening on the phone. Now I'm not saying these guys were drug dealers, their case had something to do with property ownership, but I started to get nervous. The reason I was nervous? Well during voir dire (jury selection) the DA asked me, in front of the entire court room including the defendant, my name and occupation, and of course I told her. As the first potential juror questioned, I had no idea what the case was about, but as the facts came out, having given my exact occupation and place of employment I did start to become a little nervous about finding an interstate drug trafficker (10lbs of cocaine) guilty with him knowing exactly where I worked.

So, I have to admit I felt that tingle of imminent doom creeping up my neck. It really would be just my luck to have one of the most humorous moments of my short life come back to be the cause of the end of it. Yes, I'm paranoid, I recognize this, but dammit wouldn't you be, just a little?!

Talking to Ghosts

Really gravelly voiced, very redneck sounding female

"I need a lawyer"

"Sure, whats the situation briefly" (my standard line)

"I NEED a lawyer to take my case"

"Ok, what kind of case is it?"

"Its a LAW-SUIT!"

"Yes, but what happened, what is the lawsuit about."

"Oh well, I went to the hospital and the injected me full of some drug, and I DIED!"

WAIT WHAT? Double check my brain, yeah she did say that. Usually when people say something like this, they're on a tirade so out of habit I just shut up and see if she keeps talking. She doesn't... so I respond...

"You, uh, did?"


"YESSS, I DIED, they had to fly me to ____ and inject me with something else to bring me back"

Ok, makes a little more sense. I was afraid I was going to have to tell her that we don't give referrals to the un-dead that our attorneys don't work with zombies/spirits/angels/whatever and I was not looking forward to bringing down the wrath of the recently deceased.

The Dangers of Multi-tasking

I'm always on g-chat... ALWAYS

I also talk to a lot of people who don't know the concept of economy of language aka ramblers. In response I've developed a nice multi-tasking ability. I can look at emails and even have gchat conversations while people are talking at me.

I never thought there was a downside to doing these two things at once except for asking the person to repeat themselves, which no one has ever complained about.

A moment ago, I answered the phone and a lady starts going into it soI start to look at a message from my friend Mark and right as she says, my son just passed away, I let out a chortle of laughter at something he had just typed. I feel awful... but I don't think she heard, because well she just kept rambling.

YOU ARE DUMB

"Yeeeeh, uh , I got shot by a BB gun by my neighbor back in 2005 and I wanted to see about the statute of limitations on that."

"...."

"....."

"........... Did you file a police report sir"

"Uh, no"

(Breaking the rules) "Sir an attorney is not going to be able to help you in this case"

".... uh ok... " (click)

GODAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMIT!

My First Jail Mail

So we occaisionally get mail from jail. Prisoners don't get a lot of phone time, so this is their best recourse in dealing with us. I have gotten a call from jail and it was madness; screams, banging, and towards the end of the call as the apparent mayhem escalated, lots of voices shouting "LOCK DOWN, LOCK DOWN NOWWW, LOCK DOWN!" Intense stuff.

Anyway, I got my first piece of jail mail last week, a typed letter from a guy at a state pen. The addressor states that he filed two lawsuits in District Court of the state against the Department of Corrections and against certain employees at the pen where he is incarcerated. He states:

"The ADA claim was filed because of discrimination due to my disability. I am a paruretic. I have written proof of the procedures of discrimination against paruretics."

Not being familiar with Paruresis, "a bona fide social anxiety disorder," I pull up trusty old google which informs me that paruresis is "a type of phobia in which the sufferer is unable to urinate in the (real or imaginary) presence of others, such as in a public restroom."

.............................................................................

I have a mind to call my congressman, since when do inmates not have private bathrooms, this is a travesty.

I couldn't make this up... Well maybe this one

ABOUT 3 WEEKS AGO I CALLED THE SHERRIF,S OFFICE
ABOUT COWS DESTROYING MY WIFES FLOWER GARDEN & FIGURINES,THEY FILED A
REPORT, A FEW DAYS LATER I CONTACTED THEM AGAIN THE FILLED OUT ANOTHER
CONPLAINT,THIS PAST SATURDAY NIGHT I TOOK OUR LITTLE DOG OUT TO POTTY, HE
STARTED RUNNING TO THE ROAD I TURNED AROUN AND SLIPPED IN A COW PILE AND MY
WIFE HAD TO CALL FOR AN AMBULANCE TO TAKE ME TO THE HOSPITAL, WE WHERE THERE
7AND 1 HALF HOURS, THE DOCTOR STATED I NEED SURGERY ON MY BACK,I'M DISABLED
DUE TO HEART & BACK PROBLEMS, I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO TURN TO, CAN YOU PLEASE
HELP ME!